Ricblog

Dear Axl,

Stop dicking about touring with a bastardised version of Guns N Roses, when you should be finishing off an album you started recording in 1997. This album has been so long in the making that Britain has gone through 3 prime ministers, 4 England football managers, an entire gulf war, 4 unlistenable Bon Jovi albums, Richard Whitely’s death – live on countdown (never broadcast), Take That splitting up, Take That getting back together, Top Gear being Cancelled, Top Gear being brought back,  and at least 25 girls from Blackwell’s that I developed childish crushes on. This album is now so old that when Moby produced the early sessions he was actually quite hip. And not a bald man in his 40’s that sells all his music to corporate money guzzling finance organisations. Tosser! Anyway Axl, good as it is to see you touring again playing songs of your ‘new album’ you seem to have forgotten that you actually need to release the bloody thing, before I die of old age. Your old friend Slash has even managed to kick his heroin habbit and form a band with all the people you fired in the mid 90’s. Granted, Velvet Revolver aren’t very good, but at least he’s trying to make an effort to release new material. You announced last year that Chinese Democracy was coming out in March. You bloody liar. I remember March and I also remember that you didn’t make the effort to get a taxi and drop the master tapes off at David Geffen’s house, as promised. Also, you’ve spent $18,000,000 on studio time in the last 10 years. What the frig are doing in there? Eating nothing but Marks and Spencer food whilst blowing all your cash on Amazon ordering DVD box sets? (Sound familiar folks?) No hard feelings Axl, I just need to vent my frustration and maybe give you a kick up the bum for making me go through my entire 20’s believing every false promise you’ve made. As I said no hard feelings. And I look forward to seeeing you later tonight, for a game of Risk and scampi & chips……………as promised.

Regards

Ric