Ricblog

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Dear Axl,

Stop dicking about touring with a bastardised version of Guns N Roses, when you should be finishing off an album you started recording in 1997. This album has been so long in the making that Britain has gone through 3 prime ministers, 4 England football managers, an entire gulf war, 4 unlistenable Bon Jovi albums, Richard Whitely’s death – live on countdown (never broadcast), Take That splitting up, Take That getting back together, Top Gear being Cancelled, Top Gear being brought back,  and at least 25 girls from Blackwell’s that I developed childish crushes on. This album is now so old that when Moby produced the early sessions he was actually quite hip. And not a bald man in his 40’s that sells all his music to corporate money guzzling finance organisations. Tosser! Anyway Axl, good as it is to see you touring again playing songs of your ‘new album’ you seem to have forgotten that you actually need to release the bloody thing, before I die of old age. Your old friend Slash has even managed to kick his heroin habbit and form a band with all the people you fired in the mid 90’s. Granted, Velvet Revolver aren’t very good, but at least he’s trying to make an effort to release new material. You announced last year that Chinese Democracy was coming out in March. You bloody liar. I remember March and I also remember that you didn’t make the effort to get a taxi and drop the master tapes off at David Geffen’s house, as promised. Also, you’ve spent $18,000,000 on studio time in the last 10 years. What the frig are doing in there? Eating nothing but Marks and Spencer food whilst blowing all your cash on Amazon ordering DVD box sets? (Sound familiar folks?) No hard feelings Axl, I just need to vent my frustration and maybe give you a kick up the bum for making me go through my entire 20’s believing every false promise you’ve made. As I said no hard feelings. And I look forward to seeeing you later tonight, for a game of Risk and scampi & chips……………as promised.

Regards

Ric

Get yourself a time machine and head for Manchester in the early 1990’s. You’ll find a rather geeky teenager wandering around the city centre in pursuit of a copy of David Bowie’s ‘Diamond Dogs’ on vinyl for under 3 quid. That geeky teenager was me, and on that day I didn’t manage to find a copy that was cheap enough (I ended up going home with a rather battered copy of ‘The Slider’ by T. Rex). Going into Manchester every saturday afternoon was always an adventure. I never knew if I was going to find the album that I wanted, and 50 percent of the time I didn’t. Marching from record shop to record shop was a day out, a job, my life. I didn’t have a cd player, so it always had to be vinyl, I spat on cassettes I thought they were rubbish. In those days Manchester was bursting with record shops on nearly every street. In the Corn Exchange alone there were at least five little shops flogging cheap vinyl. I could only afford to buy one album a week, so it was always a special moment. A magical journey into another world…..the 1970’s!. It really was a fanatastic experience and I’ll never forget leaping out of bed on a Saturday morning, having my breakfast, then running down to Heaton Chapel railway station with a scruffy handwritten note of 60’s and 70’s albums I had to find, if I could. Proper record shops like HMV were too dear and I always thought Our Price was cheap and tacky. If I did buy something from HMV, it was always with birthday money and the choice of records was always quite mind boggling. It was a cold clinical experience and I was snobby enough to tut in disgust at this corporate cash cow. But one could not deny their range of albums stretching for yards and yards. When the big HMV first opened in 1990 (i think), it was half records and half cds. The full conversion to cds hadn’t taken place quite yet and it would be another couple of years before this would happen, sucking me in, along with everyone else. This  was the beginning of the end…………fast forward 16 years.

October 2007, and you’ll find a rather geeky confused man in his 30’s looking for record shops that no longer exist. I must say what a trite and hollow experience it was shopping in Manchester last Saturday, and I doubt i’ll ever do it again. Firstly HMV seem to be in a state of utter panic, caused by downloads, file sharing, copying etc. As I walked in I nearly fell over the stacks of bargain DVD’s of films and TV programmes i’ve never heard of. Each one carried a garish sticker proclaiming ‘ was £70 now £35 ‘ for example. I don’t give a shit about DVDs and waded my way through to the cds, to find the most bizarre pricing system i’ve ever seen in my life. You could buy a James Blunt album for as little as £4, four pounds seriously wasted, in my opinion. But if you wanted some classic rock, Rubber Soul by The Beatles for example, you had to part with……….wait for it………wait a little longer………..£20!!!!!!!! 20 quid for an album that’s 42 years old and hasn’t even been remastered, what!!!. Not only that, HMV’s range is virtually non existant, catering only for impulse purchases. A word of advice to HMV; yes, you will get people buying DVD’s and cds at stupid low prices  when they’re in the sale, but if you think that people are gonna forget that everything else in the shop in massively overpriced, you’re wrong. The place was nearly empty aswell. For a Saturday afternoon, this spells real trouble. Disgusted with what HMV had turned into, I promptly left, never to return. The only second hand record shop left in the city centre is The Vinyl Exchange. I had fond memories of getting most of my stuff from there, when I was a teenager and in my early 20’s. Imagine my shock to discover that the shop was devoid of stock. There are more records and cd’s in my bedroom than in the Vinyl Exchange. Clearly struggling to make money, just about all of their second hand cds were the same price as a new cd purchased on the internet. I remember that the basement used to be chaos, with people falling over each other to have a look at racks of vinyl. I ventured downstairs expecting a familiar buzz of excitement……………..it was dead, empty, almost spooky. The racks once bursting with records were only half full. Picking up a selection to look through, it beacame painfully obvious that all of them were once again over priced. No chance of picking up a bargain in this shop anymore. I left knowing i’d never go back, not just because of the stock, deep down I knew the place was doomed, just like so many others over the years. The Corn Exchange was bombed in 1996 and took all the record shops with it. I still find it hard to walk past the place (now called The Triangle) knowing it’s full of upmarket clothes shops, people that probably don’t even own a record now flock to one of my favourite teenage haunts. How very sad. Which neatly brings me to i pods and the internet. I’ve nothing against modern technology at all, I find the internet most useful, in fact i’m using it right now, so that’s clearly demonstrated. However, the internet and music is a marriage I wont be attending, the whole idea of clicking a button on a mouse to listen to music still strikes me as a really cold, soulless, and downright lazy method of getting into music. Yes, it’s all there at your fingertips, but to me that’s it’s downfall. The joy for me was (and to a lesser extent still is) the unknown journey into dusty record shops, never knowing what you’ll find. Clicking a button an a computer, without even having to leave your chair isn’t really the same, is it? And the idea that someone out there is downloading my entire record collection (that took 20 years of hard work) onto a plastic box the size of a fag packet fills me with horror. So tonight i’m going to dig out that battered copy of ‘The Slider’ I bought on that wonderful saturday afternoon so many years ago, put it on my turntable and remind myself what music is still all about to me. Yep, the record will probably crackle and the inner sleeve will be falling to bits, but I really wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s the experience that counts.

A very strange thing happened to me last night, it’s still causing me some concern today. I was off work yesterday and I had a day pretty much like any other. I listened to music, did some shopping, washed some clothes etc. Later on in the evening I went to Simon’s house to drop off the rent and discuss with him the arrangement for moving out in January. I’m getting my own flat and wanted to make sure I wasn’t leaving Rob in an awkward position. Everything went fine and I left to walk home. Except I didn’t, I must have been in a complete haze and ended up taking the wrong route to my house. Before long I found myself walking past my mum’s old house. I have no recollection of my journey there, I just seemed to arrive. I thought nothing of it and jokingly said to myself, ‘I don’t live here anymore, be great if i did though’. And that’s when it hit me; how painfully alone I was. Not a single door in Stockport had a member of my family behind it, I really was the very last one. I then started to think how much things had changed over the last 2 years. Four very close members of my family had died within the space of 18 months. I’d moved out of my mum’s house and then she moved to Hadfield. My dad moved to Wales 6 months ago. My sister lives in Knutsford. And that’s it, there’s no one else left in Stockport, or even Greater Manchester. Yes, i’m financially secure and i’m getting my own flat. But last night I would have given it all back to have everything the way it was 5 years ago. I found myself getting emotional and within a couple of minutes I was crying. Sat on a wall, on my own, crying. It took me at least 10 minutes to get myself together. I consider myself to be emotionally stable, so last night was a massive shock to me. Maybe this is something that has been building up for a while, who knows. But i’m still worried about it, even now as I type this post i’m concerned. I hope this is very much a one off and for some reason I found myself momentarily off guard. It has helped me realise something very important; it doesn’t matter how much money you have or what you spend it on. The richest prize for anyone is to have their friends and family close. Money can’t buy this. So, if you’re reading this and you’re meeting up with people this weekend, don’t forget how special they really are.

Are you that fat woman with the white coat, that gets my train in the morning?

You are!

Right!!

Just cos i’m skinny doesn’t mean I don’t exist. Stop placing half your arse on my lap when you sit down. In fact, stop sitting next to me completely, it’s 3 days in a row now and it’s getting creepy. Don’t insult my intelligence by reading the Daily Star (christ!) then offering it to me to read, when I get off at Piccadilly. I deserve more than this.

This is actually an email I sent to my friend Gary on the 29th of December 2006. So strictly speaking, this is not a new post. However, I feel it deserves a place here:

 I don’t know why this shop bothers opening during Christmas week, the university is shut and all the students have gone home to swindle money out of their parents. Without doubt Christmas 2006 was truly awful, even worse than 2003, and that’s saying something. Went round to Rob’s Mum and Dad’s on Christmas day where I was given enough food to feed me for an entire decade. By this stage I was already pissed as i’d managed to down 4 pints in the Moor Top on an empty stomach before going round. While in the pub Emma (rob’s niece) took it upon herself to completely disable my phone, which is why I didn’t text back on Christmas day. Having eaten what felt like a whole banquet Dave picked me up in the car and off we headed to my Nana’s nursing home to meet Jo, Dan, Mum and Nana.  When I got there Nana didn’t even know it was Christmas day!!!! (This is pure genius, might try that trick next year) Dan was wearing sun glasses, indoors, during December…….erm…..okay. Jo’s face was bright red, like she was going to explode or something. And Mum tried her very best to pretend it was 1985. While handing out the presents my Nana just stared at us all as if we’re mad (Which indeed we are). Having got that nonsense out of the way I pretended I had a headache so I could get away as soon as possible. This time it was Jo’s turn to be my chauffer, so off we headed to the shit heap that is sometimes known as Heaton Norris. During the journey I was slagged off for living in Stockport and basically for being alive I think. I was glad to get home. By this time it was nearly 6.00 o’clock, Dr Who would be on in an hour, oh goody.  Got a can of Guinness out of the fridge, lit a fag and for a while I was in heaven. I say for a while cos then all the lights tripped out and I was plunged into darkness. Having to decend into the cellar with only a lighter to guide my path was rather scary, the fuse box is in the cellar you see, to make my life awkward. Lights back on!!! I really am a clever boy. Watched Doctor Who, listened to some Aerosmith and proceeded to drink Guinness til it came out of my ears. You see the later part of Christmas day wasn’t really that bad it was just all the bollocks I was forced to do before hand. Did I get good presents?, well my Mum got me a first aid kit for some reason. Highlight of 2006? Watching fat boy Barlow trying to negotiate his fat arse round stage during an audience with Take That. Now that truly was funny!

Sadly, my nana died in May this year, she was 93 years old.

This is really only intended as a brief guide, but i’ll name 3 albums from each year that I highly recommend. Further comments can be found on George Starostin’s music review site. However some date back to 5 years ago and might be tricky to find.

1965 -

Bob Dylan – Highway 61 Revisited, The Beatles – Rubber Soul, The Byrds – Mr Tambourine Man.

1966 –

The Beatles – Revolver, The Beach Boys – Pet Sounds, Bob Dylan – Blonde On Blonde.

1967 –

Buffalo Springfield - Again, Love – Forever Changes, Velvet Underground & Nico.

1968 –

The Band – Music From Big Pink, The Byrds – Sweetheart Of The Rodeo, The Zombies – Odessey And Oracle.

1969 –

The Beatles – Abbey Road, The Band – The Band, The Rolling Stones – Let It Bleed.

1970 –

The Grateful Dead – American Beauty, The Doors – Morrison Hotel, Creedence Clearwater Revival – Cosmo’s Factory.

1971 –

Crazy Horse – Crazy Horse, T. Rex – Electric Warrior, David Bowie – Hunky Dory.

1972 –

Big Star – No. 1 Record, David Bowie – Ziggy Stardust, Stephen Stills – Manassas

1973 –

Badfinger – Ass, Neil Young – Time Fades Away, The Eagles – Desperado

1974 –

Linda Ronstadt – Heart Like A Wheel, Neil Young – On The Beach, John Lennon – Walls And Bridges.

1975 –

Bob Dylan – Blood On The Tracks, Fleetwood Mac - Fleetwood Mac, Bruce Springsteen – Born To Run.

1976 –

David Bowie – Station To Station, Bob Dylan – Desire, Al Stewart – Year Of The Cat.

1977 –

Sex Pistols – Never Mind The Bollocks, Iggy Pop – Lust For Life, Wire – Pink Flag. ( I want Rumours by Fleetwood Mac in here too, but I can’t bring myself to delete one of the above albums)

1978 –

Bruce Springsteen - Darkness On The Edge Of Town,  X Ray Spex – Germ Free Adolescents, Buzzcocks – Love Bites.

1979 –

Public Image Limited – Metal Box, The Clash – London Calling, Neil Young – Rust Never Sleeps. 

1980 –

George Winston – Autumn, Bruce Springsteen – The River, The Jam – Sound Affects.

1981 –

Brian Eno/David Byrne – My Life In The Bush Of Ghosts, Tom Petty – Hard Promises, Bob Dylan – Shot Of Love.

1982 –

Bruce Springsteen – Nebraska, Crosby, Stills & Nash – Daylight Again, Roxy Music – Avalon.

1983 –

David Bowie – Let’s Dance,  The Cure – Japanese Whispers, Public Image Limited – This is what you want…..This Is What You Get.

1984 –

The Bangles – All Over The Place, Bruce Springsteen – Born In The USA,  Run D.M.C – Run D.M.C.

1985 –

The Long Ryders – Native Sons, The Cure – The Head On The Door, A-ha – Hunting High And Low

1986 –

Bon Jovi – Slippery When Wet, Beastie Boys – Licensed To Ill, The Bangles – Different Light.

1987 –

Guns n Roses – Appetite For Destruction, The Cure – Kiss, Kiss, Kiss, Public Image Limited – Happy.

1988 –

Bon Jovi – New Jersey, Enya – Watermark, Travelling Wilburys – Volume 1.

1989 –

The Cure – Disintegration, Beastie Boys – Paul’s Boutique, Tom Petty – Full Moon Fever.

As I mentioned before, this is only intended as a very brief guide. There are many other great albums I have not included on this list. 1967 – 1972 proved very tricky for me indeed. I could probably do a list of 20-30 albums for just each of those years. As you can see my top albums only go up to 1989. I could have carried on into the 1990’s, but to be honest my knowledge of 90’s music isn’t anywhere near as strong as the ‘classic rock’ eras. Maybe this is something I can work on in the future. Enjoy!

During a rather boring lunch hour Richard, Benedict and myself invented an amazing stick game, that all the family can enjoy. Here are the rules:

Find a stick that’s about a metre and a half long. Got a stick? Right, make a cup of tea using ONLY the stick. This involves opening the cupboard door, getting the cup off the shelf, putting the cup down on the kitchen work surface, closing the cupboard door, picking up the kettle, turning the tap on, filling the kettle with water, turning the tap off, putting the kettle back on it’s base, switching it on, opening the fridge door, taking out the milk, pouring the milk in the cup, putting the milk back in the fridge, somehow getting the tea bag in the cup, filling the cup with boiling water from the kettle. Remember, you can only use the stick whilst doing this. No hands or legs are allowed to be used. Think it can’t be done? Well, I witnessed Benedict performing this amazing task only a couple of days ago. So why not try it yourself and brighten up those dull tea making moments. Feeling more adventurous? Then why not try the amazing washing line pole game. Got a washing line pole? Right, get drunk and try to get the lawnmower out of the shed using only the washing line pole. This is rather tricky, but I will be trying it again tonight. Changing the subject completely! One of the trainee people, working here today, thought I was 35 years old. Aah, no! As Pete Huxley would say. By the way Pete, we all know you killed Jill Dando, so just own up. Killer!!!!! Hmmmm…….think i’ll have Findus crispy pancakes for tea. Lovely stuff.

Odder – One of my favourite pubs on Oxford Road. Wonderfully decorated and always seems to be full of really fit girls.

Kro Bar – The upstairs is very tasteful, antique style tables and great pictures on the wall. However, the downstairs looks like a school canteen, it’s awful.

Pitcher & Piano – My favourite pub in Manchester. The drinks are a bit pricey, but the decor and layout is superb. The beer garden at the front overlooks some beautiful water features. Also, the staff are lovely and the music is always top notch stuff.

Paramount (Wetherspoons) – Want to snog some cheap tart that’s wasted? Then get yourself down to this place on a Friday night.

Britons Protection – One of the oldest pubs in Manchester. It’s very traditional inside, but it has some very serious faults. The drinks are a rip off!! I can’t read my paper in there cos all the lamps have orange bulbs. The beer garden is a comedy of errors.

Monroes – The place where everyone knows my name. Much like ‘Cheers’, everybody knows everyone else. Very much a regulars pub, the staff are very good friends of mine.

Bull’s Head – You will not find a pub that keeps it’s beers as good as this. The best pint of Guiness in Manchester, by a long way.

Sand Bar – Shit heap!!

Atlas Bar – Very expensive, but has a really nice beer garden. Inside in need of decorating. Looking very 90’s.

Rain Bar – Was a bit of a dive 5 years ago. But I popped in last week and it looked superb. One of the best beer gardens in Manchester, inside looks like a pub should look like with oak tables and antique furniture. Upstairs is not as nice, but often used for functions.

Czech Bar – The emptiest pub in Manchester. However, it has 2 pool tables that are usually empty. Everything is empty about this place.

The Pheonix – Often referred to as ‘The pub of doom’. I actually don’t mind it that much. Always good for a quick game of pool after work. The beer is quite poor, so I always drink bottles in there.

1. What the hell do they do to the beer in there? The Becks I was drinking last night was full of gas. Amstel tastes really odd. The pipes for the Guinness aren’t cleaned often enough, making it taste chalky.

2. There’s no pool table.

3. The jukebox has had the same cds in it for the last 5 years.

4. Someone will always put 5 Smiths songs on in a row. Yes, I mean you Dave!!

5. The toilets are disgusting.

6. The place is a tip. No! Dirty tables, broken chairs, uneven floors and walls that badly need painting does not make a bar ‘cool’.

7. At some point a nutter will come in trying to steal a fag off you.

8. It’s full of pretentious wannabes. I go to the pub to have a good time. Not to overhear some spotty student talkin’ Nietzsche.

9. For some reason Blackwell’s staff seem to get more drunk in the Sandbar than usual. By the end of the night someone will be crying like a big girl’s blouse.

10. When you go for a fag outside, you can’t get back in. Banging on the door making bizarre gestures to a complete stranger seems to be the Sand Bar’s viable solution.